Consciously Dead
by Solest-Light-In-The-Dark
Summary: Sequel to Lost Blood. Hermione's hanging onto life by a thread, Draco's surrounded by the coldness of Azkaban and Elda might never see her family reunited again. And if they do pull through, what will the consequences be? Rated M for safety.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: Hey guys! Hope you like the chapter :P I got a beta to work on my grammar and spelling, yay!

**Beta Notes: Okay, so I'm the new beta of this story, **_zzzooe_**, hi everyone! *Waves* So, I suppose I'm as excited for this story as you are, so leave reviews and enjoy reading! This is going to be good, so buckle your seat belts; you're in for a bumpy ride! :)**

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**Consciously Dead**

**By: Solest-Light-In-The-Dark**

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The hospital wing was very still. Everyone was taking in short breaths, as if to not break the silence that had settled itself so keenly into the room. A thin, cold draught flowed under the doorway and between everyone's feet. Inside the room were quite a few people: Mr and Mrs Weasley, Harry and Ginny, Elda and George and finally Hermione and Ronald.

Hermione was laying on one of the hospital beds, Ronald the other. Everyone was silently praying for the both of them; though none of them knew if it would actually help, in fact they doubted it would. The war had been so cruel to them... so cruel. They had lost Fred and then Ronald had ended up nearly killed and Hermione too! Harry was still trying to save Draco from the clutches of Azkaban and Elda had never been so silent in her entire life.

The little girl had been lying in her mother's arms for the last two days. Everyone else had been here for three days, seeing as Murriel had to bring the girl over to St. Mungos. Elda's tiny fingers where clenched onto Hermione's and the baby refused to let go; if she did, it was only for the shortest moment. She knew her mother was going through something horrible and that her father might never come back.

Harry stood up, "I'm going to the ministry, maybe Kingsley will have reached a decision about Malfoy. Contact me if there's any change, in Hermione or Ron," he said tiredly, though he thoroughly doubted there would be any. But he hoped.

Harry lent down and gave Ginny a peck on the forehead before grabbing his jacket and walking solemnly out of the room. It was very cold outside; the weather seemed to reflect the mood in the ward Hermione and Ron were in. It was dreadfully dismal, painful, despairing and eerily silent. Even the healers that came seemed to understand that silence was a must and that it shouldn't be disturbed.

Ginny sighed and a few lone tears trickled down her cheeks before she placed her face in her hands and her sobs were heard throughout the room.

***Flashback*** (A.N. I know, first one :P)

Ron was frantically searching for a pulse, but he couldn't deny he was angry at Hermione. How could she?! She left them and suddenly after months - _MONTHS_! - She showed herself. But instead of running to him he saw her with _him_. And not only that... they were holding hands and they looked _happy_! WASN'T HE THE ONE SHE WAS MEANT TO LOVE? It..., it made his blood boil. It made him want to yell at her just like he had when she was about to leave.

But yelling was useless if she was dead.

Ginny had come forward and screamed, her knees buckling and she joined the search. She found a pulse moments later and her and Harry fell back with Harry quickly running over to Ginny and embracing her, holding her close.

Ron looked down at Hermione's pale face in his hands... _She left us... she left me... that... that bitch! _He thought angrily, but shook the thought from his mind. Though truthfully, dark thoughts never seem to leave you, so it kept coming back. The same thoughts of anger, of betrayal.

His hand tightened around Hermione's arm; every ounce of anger he seemed to have because she left him was going into the squeeze. 'I hate you.' He whispered softly, but angrily.

A black light flared, enveloping his hand which felt like it was burning. A few students pointed and Ginny's eyes widened. It was an explosion of black light and he fell unconscious next to her, quite aware that she had probably heard him... and hated him for it... hated him for not understanding what she had been through.

***End Flashback***

A healer walked in. He had neat, crisp, greying hair and a face lined with both frown lines, worry lines and laughing lines. His name was Healer Richard Ris, though everyone called him Richard, and if they didn't he would look disappointed, then people usually would. He knelt down next to Ginny.

"Go get some coffee, it'll do you good." Ginny stood up and nodded, Mr and Mrs Weasley quickly followed. The man was one of the best known healers to date, yet he'd brought no news yet. And in the end, he would have forced them to go too. George sat where he was. He hadn't left his brother and near-sister's bed since they came here. He felt responsible... he had been right next to Lestrange, but he hadn't noticed him moving. Deep down inside, he blamed himself.

George looked up. "You know something, and I know you do. You can't hide it from me."

Richard sighed. "Your brother is going to wake up soon, he's been improving... but as he's been improving, Hermione has been getting worse. It's like he's feeding of her life. If he wakes up she won't die, but she might not wake up, ever. And we can't figure out what damned spell was used on her! Otherwise we'd wake her up!" Richard angrily sat himself down on Ginny's seat. "Those bastard Death Eaters had been experimenting with new dark spells since the first war. The worst thing is, we've seen this spell before, that's why it's so fuc- I shouldn't say that... that's why it's so complicated.

'This spell, whatever it's called, though we nicknamed it "Morte Aeterna" otherwise known as "Eternally Dead", is incredibly dangerous, it doesn't actually kill you, well in the end it does... What happens is as soon as the spell enters your system it shuts down. The one case where it's thought someone survived this, though no one knows how, they said they heard things, felt things crawling up their arms, they said they had terrible thoughts. Like they wanted to kill or hurt everyone around them... and in this case, with your brother, I think Hermione did exactly that, except the spell didn't work properly for some reason.

"None of the healers I've spoken to know what to do, so we're stuck at a crossroad. That's why Mr Potter has been trying to have an actual conversation with Mr Malfoy, correct?"

George nodded slowly. "Dunno something like that for sure."

Richard smiled at him.

"When is he going to wake up?" George asked.

Richard stood up and dusted his perfectly white cloak off. "Really, we have no idea. Somewhere between now and tomorrow is our best guess for Mr Weasley. The problem is getting Hermione through this," His frown and worry line became very pronounced and he turned to leave, but stopped in his tracks and turned around again, "Tell this to your parents too."

George nodded and listened to Richard's footsteps clicking out of existence.

_____

"Minister, please, I need to see him. He's Hermione's last chance! I talked to Healer Richard Ris today, he said that if we don't find out what spell was cast on her she will die and with this spell, you can't just take her of healing potions and healing spells and let her die naturally, it'll just drag the death out. They tested similar cases. In one of the tests they stabbed a woman who was going to die from this spell, they stabbed her through her _heart_, her _heart_,bloody hell! And she didn't die! She bled and screamed, but the wound healed! Without any consent from the healers! No potions! No spells! The spell healed her to continue torturing her! Please, Minister..., please?" Harry begged.

He was sitting in a beautifully furnished room with Kingsley Shacklebolt, the current Minister for Magic. Dark mahogany finishes and gold inlays surrounded him, but they did not comfort him. Nor did the warm crackling fire.

"Please...," Harry said again, his head hung in defeat, though a shard of hope remained inside him.

Kingsley sighed. "Fine, you can meet him, but I'm telling you now, he isn't going to be able to tell you much."

Harry stood and shook his hand. "Thank you." He whispered fervently.

Kingsley sighed audibly and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "When you leave my office you need to go down the first corridor on the left and then into the fifth door on the right. Tell the man in there that you have been allowed to see Draco Malfoy and that you need to be taken there as soon as possible. It's urgent. Got that?"

Harry nodded and gave the minister a small smile, "Again, thank you."

Harry turned to leave but just before letting the door shut behind him with a small _click _he stopped in his tracks. "Oh and minister?" Kingsley looked up. "Good luck."

Kingsley scowled at him, though there was a small hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. The door shut and Harry sped down the corridor.

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Azkaban prison is a distraught building in itself. The battered stone is constantly fighting a battle against the ocean, the high pitched winds that whistled through bars and cracks in the stone. The area was surrounded by what horribly smelled like rotting flesh. Harry resisted the strong urge to turn around and run. The place reminded him too much of Voldemort and the death that seemed to follow the inhumane man.

A neat man in his mid-forties was taking Harry further and further into Azkaban. They wound through corridors and Harry swore the temperature had dropped since he had been here. A thick mist came out of his mouth every time he breathed out and he quickened his footsteps to keep warm. The place was bringing back distraught thoughts to his mind already.

It was as if somebody had shut him up in a room all by himself for months on end and now his only friends were himself and the shadows. They seemed to grab at his jacket as if to pull him into a deeper sense of despair, lull him into a deep sleep and then make sure he never woke again. The air was so cold that when he breathed in his throat would scream in protest for a moment, then settle only... to have the process repeated... it was unnerving him in a way that was all to new for him. He shivered violently.

"Here," the man said, bringing Harry out of his cold trance like state of mind. "Good luck," he said and opened a barred metal door.

Harry stepped in and the door closed with a loud slam behind him. The room looked utterly deserted and for a moment Harry thought that some cruel trick was being played on him by the auror.

A puff of warm, misty air rose then dispersed.

Harry looked at the corner where it had come from and saw a frail blonde shivering under a mottled grey blanket that camouflaged him against the filthy stone walls that he was sleeping against.

Harry crept forward and knelt at Draco's knees. He was deeply asleep, though he seemed to be having a bad nightmare; it was the occasional twitches of his hands and face that told him so.

"Malfoy," Harry whispered, shaking Draco softly. The man was stone cold so Harry shrugged out of his jacket and covered him with it. "Oi, Malfoy," Harry said louder this time and Draco's eyes fluttered open in a painful looking manner.

A small look of disbelief hovered on Draco's face for a moment before it dissipated. "Potter...," he whispered in a relieved voice, "Thank Merlin. How's Hermione?"

Harry noted the use of Hermione's first name..., maybe the Weasley's didn't know how in depth this relationship was.

Draco moved into a crouching position and swayed violently before coughing loudly.

Harry swore he saw blood.

Draco stopped moving, "You don't know how to cure her, do you?" he asked softly.

Harry shook his head, "No one knows how to... Tell me what we have to do, and don't leave anything out."

Draco looked up at the moon. His face shone with a ghostly parlour. Harry only now saw all the cuts on his face and just like the Weasley's had said, they were in exactly the same place as Hermione's except Draco's were deeper, wider and leaked more crimson blood than Hermione's.

"I should start from the beginning...," Draco whispered.

Harry shook his head, "I already know, the Weasley's told me about the marriage, connection and pregnancy. I don't blame you. Now, tell me how to help Hermione."

Draco exhaled loudly, "The only reason she isn't dead right now is because of the connection we have between us and because we were touching when the spell hit us. If I wasn't there, she'd be dead."

Harry waited patiently while the blonde cleared his throat.

"What the spell does is once it enters your body it latches onto your heart in a way... the only way to get it out is-," Draco paused and just before he continued his sentence Harry completed it.

"-To perform surgery..." Harry whispered in a mortified voice, "But doesn't that mean you'll also have a gaping hole in your chest?" Harry asked.

"And?" Draco asked softly, "Just go to the healer and tell him, her, whatever what to do, okay? You need to use a silver knife. Go dammit! GO!" Draco yelled before coughing violently and spitting to the side of him, coughing up blood.

"Keep the jacket," Harry said before running out of the room.

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A small look of pain crossed his face then his eyes opened slowly. He let out a low moan and a healer ran up to him.

Ronald had woken up.

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**Authors Notes: Liked it? xDDD**

_I totally did! Who else did? Awesomeness... :D_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: I know, I skipped quite a bit of this just because I couldn't figure out how to write it and so that we can get into the actual plot :P T****his chapter is just a filler so the next one I'll release like a day after this one :D**

Beta notes: This is a really good chapter guys, we're getting there. Gut-wrenching stuff, brace yourself! (:

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**Consciously Dead**

**By: Solest-Light-In-The-Dark**

**Beta: zzzooe**

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Thin, grey streams of neither liquid nor gas floated through the pristine cold water - Hermione's memories. They swirled through the liquid, morphing between different shapes and sizes. A new memory was cast into the pensieve and it swirled elegantly before resting at the bottom of the stone and floating upwards.

Harry was going through Hermione's memories for evidence that Draco was innocent. It had shocked him when he saw some of the things he did. Her rape (he skipped through that as much as he could), their conversations, kisses, moments together... he couldn't find one reason to condemn Draco to an eternity in Azkaban, and even if he wanted to, he probably wouldn't have been able to either. Elda had been the defining moment that brought them together and neither of them seemed to want to let that go.

Harry let another memory drift from the tip of his wand into the pensieve. He could feel the Weasley's eyes scorching holes into his back. Richard was standing at a close distance in case the spell that was condemning Hermione chose to lash out violently at Harry.

Harry's hand shook as he lowered his wand to her temple again. She looked completely at ease, lying there..., unblinking, unmoving..., for all he knew she could have been dead. But the faint pulse he could feel as he gripped her hand told him otherwise. It didn't stop him from worrying from his best friend though. The girl had been through so much and he refused to accept that she might die from such a fickle spell.

He sighed and stepped back, "That's it, I can't find anything else, and if Malfoy is sentenced to Azkaban after they see this then I'd rather fight Voldemort again," Harry stated softly but boldly.

Ginny stood up and went to comfort him.

Ronald was in the next room. After seeing Hermione he started yelling at her frail form. Elda had _thankfully_ stayed hidden next to Hermione's side. Merlin only knew what would have happened if Ronald found out she had gone and had a daughter during the time she was not with them.

Mr Weasley stood up, "I'm going to take these to the ministry. The faster we can get Draco out the better for the both of them and Elda."

Mr Weasley grabbed his coat and left, but the haunting silence still remained.

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"Arthur," Kingsley said while clasping Mr Weasley's numb hand.

"Kingsley," Mr Weasley responded with a small smile, "We have Hermione's memories to prove Draco's innocence. If there is no sign of anything suspicious will you release him?" Mr Weasley asked.

Kingsley hesitated.

"Your word," Arthur said and released Kingsley's hand, "I need your word."

Kingsley sighed, "You have my word…**.** Show me those memories."

They moved away from the inviting chintz chairs and towards the pensieve. It had intricate carvings in its side; dragons, phoenixes, sphinxes, thestrals and a manor of different wizarding animals. Mr Weasley uncorked a vial and the memories fell silently and landed with a soft splash. They swirled around the basin as Kingsley stared at them with a cool face.

"I have feeling that you won't be watching these with me. Am I right?" Kingsley asked softly and looked away from the soft patterns.

"Yes," Mr Weasley replied in the same soft tone.

Kingsley nodded and leaned forward into the basin and the room fell silent.

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Mr Weasley was pacing across the room, his footsteps muffled by the carpet and loud, whistling winds that could be heard throughout the ministry. Voldemort was gone but the Earth's dark forces seemed to still need time to die down. He sighed and wrung his hand. The minister had been going through Hermione's memories for quite some time now.

But then again, who wouldn't?

There was a soft splash and he emerged, face dry as ever.

"We need to go," Kingsley said quickly.

"Excuse me?" Mr Weasley asked as he followed Kingsley out of the room.

Kingsley offered Mr Weasley his arm, "We need to apparate. They want to perform the dementor's kiss."

There was a whooshing noise and suddenly there was sea spray and freezing rain pouring relentlessly over them. They were at Azkaban.

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All during this Hermione's ward was silent. The only difference was a cough on Ginny's part or a sob on Mrs Weasley's. Richard was busily shuffling around the room collecting equipment.

Harry could see the glint of a silver knife. It shone brightly in the room's light.

The silence was deafening and so was the anticipation. If Hermione died then why did he live? Hermione had never done anything! She didn't deserve to die! Her first chance of happiness was in Azkaban and the other was clinging dearly onto her arm. And if she died then Draco would too... Elda would be an orphan, just like he had been... and it would be his entire fault.

He was starting to think of the knife in other ways. Instead of a surgical knife he saw a tool for suicide. How many times in his life had he thought of death as a friend, not foe?

The knife shone a brighter white and suddenly Mr Weasley's patronus lit the air.

"We're bringing Draco in, get ready!" Mr Weasley's voice boomed and everyone was thrown into panic except for Hermione and Elda.

Elda screamed as Mrs Weasley grabbed her around the middle and quickly ran out of the room with her. Richard rushed over to his surgical cabinet and continued to prepare himself. Ginny gasped and Harry escorted her out of the room leaving only Richard and Hermione.

There was a clatter of footsteps and Kingsley and Mr Weasley came in with Draco's arms looped around both of their necks. He was unconscious.

Richard grabbed the knife, "Lay him on the bed and get out. Don't come in unless I tell you to," he demanded and they complied.

Mrs Weasley was gently rocking Elda who was crying. She had stepped into the ward that Ron was in and so had everyone else, "Shh, it's all right," Mrs Weasley said to Elda, "Hermione will be okay soon."

Ron looked up, "Who is she?!"

Mrs Weasley blanched and Ginny covered her mouth.

"WHO IS SHE?" Ron demanded.

A room away there was a high pitched feminine scream and a loud male yell.

They all turned toward the noise, but it didn't stop.

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**Author's Notes: Was it long enough? :D**

**Beta's End Notes: Wow, this is amazing, right? Poor Ron, I suppose, being kept in the dark. I hope Draco and Hermione are alright! :O Until next time, Zoe. (:**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: Sorry for the late chapter! I have eight tests and a speech this week *faints* Stupid high school!**

**Beta's Notes: Haha, I agree! She actually sent this chapter to me a few days ago, but I had tests and assessments and stupid newspaper assignments for English. Desole, desole, I know. Okay, rant over. Get ready for this chapter! (:**

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**Consciously Dead**

**By: Solest-Light-In-The-Dark**

**Beta: zzzooe

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The scream went on and on, then Hermione's eyes opened, at the very same moment that Draco's did. She grabbed at her chest and her eyes widened. She pulled her hand into her view and screamed louder; her hand was coated in blood. Draco was staring at her from the corner of his eye. His face turned into a look of horror.

Harry, who had run into the room as he heard the two screaming, was restraining Hermione. Ginny, who had followed, was restraining Draco. Richard pulled out his wand and with a simple movement of his wrist Hermione's skin knitted together as if there had never been a wound there. Draco's did too, his head fell back onto the pillow and he sighed.

Hermione was first to break the silence.

"Why do I feel so... weird?" she softly asked Richard. He cast her a sympathetic look.

"The spell that was cast on you, we weren't able to completely remove it. If we did, we would've killed you. And if we try again, you will die. Explain to me what you're feeling."

Draco was now looking at Hermione.

Hermione looked confused, her eyes were darting everywhere, "I can't feel anything," she said in a whisper.

Ginny gasped.

"Can you feel me squeezing your hand?" Richard asked, panicked now.

Hermione shook her head, "Not like that. I can't feel any emotions. It's just blank...," she let go of Richard's hand and swung her feet out of the bed.

"Hermione! Don't!" Ginny said quickly but Richard let her go. Draco quickly swung his feet out of his bed, against Ginny's loud protest, and followed.

Before she reached the doorway the door was thrown open. Behind it Ron was standing, his face filled with fury. He lunged at her and grabbed her shoulders.

"HOW COULD YOU! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" he yelled and shook her violently. Draco stalked forward but before he could do anything Hermione exploded.

"HOW COULD I? WELL HOW COULD YOU? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF ME? YOU'VE CALLED ME SO MANY NAMES, YOU SLAPPED ME AND YOU NEVER TRIED TO UNDERSTAND! AND THE ONE TIME I WAS TRULY HAPPY YOU CAME AND DESTROYED IT! DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!" she pushed herself off him and ran out.

Draco stepped into her place and punched him in the face before following Hermione.

She weaved between corridors. People peered out the windows but she wouldn't stop. She was going to run to the top no matter what anyone said; it was her goal to go upwards in life. This time, she was taking it literally. Her footsteps echoed relentlessly in the corridors. A healer stepped out of her way.

Hermione pushed through the doors and she was on top of the building, the rain pounding on her back. The door was flung open again behind her but she didn't look to see who it was, she already knew. She fell to her hands and knees and screamed. Draco sat down next to her.

"Why does everything go so wrong?" she asked him softly. "Do I not deserve a normal life?" she gave out a choked sob and looked up to the sky.

The grey raging clouds cried as hard as she did. Her depression rained from the heavens and cloaked her and Draco. Its coldness consoled her; its bleakness was her life. People didn't seem to like the rain, but right now it seemed to be her only friend, other than Draco.

He stood up and lifted her up to her feet. She looked into his eyes, they were the exact same colour of the sky, or at least now they were. His arms were wrapped tight around her waist, like the rain. The wind whistled around them but they were both already freezing. Hermione wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"I have a name you know," he whispered into her ear and smiled.

She smiled back, "Bastard."

He kissed her. It wasn't like their old kisses, soft and sweet. No..., for some reason this kiss was longing, even though Hermione knew she didn't fully love him, she needed him right now. Right now he was the only thing she had other than Elda. The kiss was probably the saddest, most depressing thing in her life, a kiss of desperation and love that wasn't complete yet. But it was probably the most romantic, loving and caring thing that had happened to her too.

Harry ran up the stairs two at a time and gently opened the door and his eyes widened.

Hermione and Draco were kissing passionately in the rain.

He closed the door quickly and ran.

Hermione and Draco heard the slam of the door and quickly broke apart. They both looked at the door and a look of panic crossed their faces, only one of their hands stayed interlaced.

"We should go," Draco said softly.

"We should," Hermione softly agreed and they walked down the staircase with their sides constantly touching.

"Well? Where are they!?" Ginny asked in hysterics. She was pacing around the ward, tears streaking her face and blood streaking her hands.

Harry gulped and chose his words carefully, "Let them talk things through," he said.

Richard had taken Mrs. Weasley away; she had had a full blown panic attack and had burst into violent tears at Hermione and Ron's outburst. Mr. Weasley had stared blankly at the wall then followed them hurriedly. Fred was sitting in the corner of the room, watching Ginny pace.

The door opened and Draco and Hermione walked in sopping wet.

Ginny let out a noise that was mixed between a loud 'TSK!' and a sigh of relief. "You. Stupid. Sodding. _Idiots_!" she said and stalked forward, quickly casting a drying spell.

Hermione shook her head, "No use, I'm probably going to go back up there."

Ginny gave up, "I'm going to go get myself a coffee, do you guys want anything?" They all shouted their orders at her and in the end George decided to follow her, he dragged Hermione with him.

Harry and Draco stared at each other.

"Just say it," Draco sighed.

Harry looked incredulous for a moment, then all his emotions released. "What the fuck was_ that_? I though you two _hated_ each other! You aren't supposed to go snog people if you hate them!" Harry paced away from Draco, "Tell me. What's going on between you two?! I just don't understand it!" Harry violently grabbed a chair and pulled it towards himself and sat down; there was a horrible screeching noise from the chair against the floor.

Draco ruffled his hair and sat down on his bed in a foetal position. His mouth opened and closed a few times. "I can't describe it," he said simply.

Harry placed his fingers on his temple, "'Try,"

"We were pushed together by the Marriage law, simple as that. We grew used to it and began to accept our..., differences."

"You mean blood type," Harry sneered.

"You're a real dick, you know that Potter?" Draco responded with equal anger.

Harry sighed, "Okay, look. I can accept that you're _with _Hermione. Just don't go and do something stupid, okay?"

Draco nodded and the door opened. Ginny came in laughing heartily, George half-heartily and Hermione plain faced. Ginny handed Harry a coffee and Hermione gave Draco a hot chocolate. George was nibbling happily on a bagel. Richard followed the trio inside, holding a clipboard with Hermione's health chart.

After a long discussion of what medications Hermione and Draco were to take, Richard ended with a simple, "Any questions?"

Hermione remained looking blank, but Draco spoke up immediately, "Yes, can we go now?"

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**Author's notes: *gasps* my weakest cliffhanger ever xD**

**Beta's Notes: More like *le gasp!* Haha, I actually don't remember any chapter without a cliffhanger. I'm not even that mean! Okay…, maybe a little. I left one of my stories with a really bad cliffhanger the other day…, but that's another story! Until next time, love you guys and keep the reviews up! (:**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's notes: ****I BRING YOU A PEACE OFFERING OF CHAPTER 4! :) IF** YOU KILL ME, THEN I WON'T BE ABLE TO UPDATE! This chapter hasn't been beta'd yet but that's because I thought it would take too long and I just wrote it today and etc. I'll shut up now, you've waited long enough. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 4: A Sea of Thoughts**

The soft whispers of a cool night breeze drifted lazily into the room through the wide open window. Neutral beige curtains billowed sullenly and made sharp, unnatural flapping sounds. A thin layer of cold began to settle itself on the already cool, even cooler now, timber as Hermione slid out from Draco's comforting embrace. His breathing was warm, strong and slow. She reminisced quietly over how only a moment ago it had tickled her ear and warmed it. She debated whether to fall back into his embrace, or follow along with her little plan and finally decided on the latter. A quick look to make sure Elda was sleeping in her cot and another to make sure Draco was too finalised her decision. She tip toed out of the room and out of the vicinity he could hear.

They had only just been all released from the sad confines of St Mungos and were wondrously happy until Hermione lost herself in the land of nothingness again. They toured the Manor briefly before going to bed. Hermione noted all of the rooms Draco avoided narrating and quickly set herself upon finding them. One of those rooms held the answers of what she was doing here, there had to be answers!

Hermione shivered as moonlight spilled through glass windows and even more cold drafts meandered under doorways and through cracks, lone moans roared sadly as the wind picked up. An odd stillness surrounded her, no portrait moved as she traversed different paths until she reached her destination. There was a slight hesitation and her hand shook as it reached for the cold, dusty metal handle. A slight creak permeated the chill around her and she slid into the room, only leaving the door open a hand span.

If she was meant to find answers here or have a strong epiphany, then it was hiding from her quite well.

The room was almost exactly how she remembered it, the deep ornate rug in the centre, the pushed back furniture. She had lost almost everything here and was gaining it all back now.

Browny-red stains littered the floor and she instinctively knew it was her innocent spilt blood, spilt from various tortures and acts.

And yet she felt nothing... No hints of any emotions, no little tears of sadness, nor a cry of frustration, maybe even a shout of anger... nothing... She was dead inside, a little bit of hope died inside her and yet there was no despair.

She closed her eyes and focused on her memories of that night. Bellatrix's wild voice screamed through her conscious and she froze, her ability to recall detail so well made the sound seem horrifically real. Casting the dark thought aside her mind began to piece small details together.

A wave of lost memories she had cast away into a sea of things she wanted to forget. Various memories came rushing back at her and she began to pick out small things she remembered. The sound of Ron screaming back at her haunted her for a moment and she threw it back into the ocean of things she wanted to leave behind and never have resurface again.

Another random memory, this time of Draco whispering his lamentations into her ear as he carried out her torture... His breath was warm and yet it was laboured, unlike tonight.

She searched for any bit of evidence that he had done wrong by her and yet found none. He had even tried to calm her, though it didn't seem to help then. He had tried, flickers of deep pain came across her, laced with another emotion she wasn't sure how to identify.

At first she took it as a deep grieving for that little piece of innocence she had lost that day, but it felt wrong and forlorn. It felt too hot and bothered, like a want, then she realised it was lust.

Lust for him.

The scandalous emotion made her cheeks blush a raging red. _Of all the things... _she thought awkwardly.

Lust for the man who was sleeping a few minutes walk away from her.

Lust, but not love.

Hermione covered her cheeks with the palms of her hands and scoffed. Lusting over the enemy who was now the ally, lusting over the bully who was now trying to protect her. It was all wrong and yet at the same time it was right, it felt right.

Flashes of indecision raced through her. How was she meant to deal with a feeling like this? Not love but lust. Lust was completely different from love, so different and yet lust lead to love. How could her mind betray her like this! It was _him. _It was something too awkward to discuss with anyone other than herself.

She sighed and the door creaked behind her. _Oh Merlin. _Hermione thought as she felt a wave of curiosity and heat overtake her.

'I knew you'd come here...' He sighed and stood behind her. surveying the scene with as much a critical eye as she was. An awkward tension stretched into a long silence which he broke with a soft whisper, 'can I hold you?'

Hermione shook her head, then nodded and then shook it again. _Surely he won't know how I'm feeling at this very moment? _She thought and finally nodded.

_Oh yes_... lust.

His warm arms wrapped themselves around her small waist and she stiffened slightly, furiously decoding exactly why she could feel this way for him and what about him was just so wonderful.

He smelled delicious, though she couldn't put a finger on what the scent was. His arms were warm and strong, his touch certain unlike Ron's. She was even coming to love his arrogant voice which had mellowed into something a little bit more human, a little more true to his real self. It would have been an insult to say he wasn't attractive, even though it pained her to admit it. Her cheeks flared up again. Smell, touch, sound and sight.

Taste, she was missing taste. She hadn't paid attention to it then at the hospital, then she thought it was her end and needed the feel of someone real and alive.

There was another pregnant silence as Hermione's mind whirred through appealing, though awkward, thoughts.

He sighed again and pressed his head against hers. 'Do you mistrust me this much?'

Hermione shook her head wildly as he brought her out of her thoughts. 'No, I was just thinking.'

'About?' He queried and pulled her hands away from her face, her stomach felt incredibly cold for a moment but then his arms resumed their previous place along with her own.

'Various things.'

He chuckled softly against her and Hermione payed great attention to the sound and feeling. It was more than lust, he sent shivers running through her at the mere action of laughing, a deep thrill that she was the one who made him smile. She liked him considerably too.

'Actually,' she paused and gulped, he silenced and moved his head from the top of her wild curls and leaned in closer to her shoulder, 'I was wondering about how you would taste.'

Draco's eyebrows disappeared for a moment and Hermione took her hands from his grasp and covered her cheeks again. He let go of her and Hermione peeked between her fingers.

Half his face was illuminated from the moonlight that fell into the room and the other half fell into a slight shadow. His eyes were the same colour when he had first kissed her, a liquid silver that she couldn't even begin to describe. He gently pulled her hands from her face and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

Hermione very shyly and slowly parted her mouth and allowed him entry.

Minty was the only word that crossed her mind as he assaulted her sense with his wicked technique, he still hadn't let go of her hands and she found herself gripping onto them for dear life as if all the various things she felt that very moment would sink her. She felt the little upwards curve of his lips as her own and rejoiced. At this very moment she could feel, her heart felt ready to explode as he continued the most tender kiss he'd ever given her. If this what it would feel like to kiss him then it was her drug and she was addicted and dear Merlin, she would not go to rehab.

She wanted to make him feel everything she was, but couldn't. Instead she kissed him. When they pulled away he wiped a small tear away from her cheek.

'It's one of the most amazing things, feeling nothing and then everything. I don't love you, at least not yet,' she added, noting the small look of hurt that flashed through his eyes, 'however I do know that as long as we can be civil towards one another this could work.'

He nodded softly, an unreadable expression on his face. 'As long as I can make you feel something.'

Hermione slipped away from him and out of the room, the door creaked softly as she left him. The room seemed a little colder without her presence and that small smile that had graced her lips. He hadn't seen that smile for a while and it's presence was a little victory for him.

* * *

**Author's notes: Like? I tried to add more detail and emotions! Sorry it took so long, I just couldn't get the right vibe for this chapter (or the whole plot actually). I wrote this at about 2am one day and I thought it was exactly what I wanted so meh. :)**

**I'll get my beta onto this soon, but I just thought it would be too long to get her onto this now. No idea when I'll update, sorry. I'm a vibe writer though. I'll try to vibe it out quickly though. :)**


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